Thursday, September 29, 2011

Extra Long Posts Make Up For An Extra Long Hiatus

I was sitting here wondering why there are Kidz Bop commercials on during Adult Swim at 2am, when I realized how long it's been since I've posted a new blog. I could come up with excuses for why I haven't posted anything in a while, or I could just write something funny. It's obviously much easier for me to go with making excuses, so that's what I think I'll do. I moved out of my "dorm-partment" on campus after the spring semester ended, lived at home for the summer and worked crap hours with crap paychecks, then moved back to the city (off campus) after my summer break ended.

What have I done lately? Well aside from spending a majority of my time on school, I've spent a lot of time watching cartoons and criticizing commercials. A couple weeks ago, I didn't leave my apartment for almost 5 days. I'd like to say it was all because I was sick, but quite honestly I kind of like seeing how long I can go without talking to anyone in person. These are the kinds of things I end up sending my friends:

"I USED TO FEEL LIKE A TOTAL FATASS EATING AN ENTIRE CAKE, NOW BAKEPOPS FORCE ME TO ONLY EAT A DOUGHNUT HOLE SIZED PIECE OF CAKE, MAKING ME INTO A RAGE FILLED HUNGRY SHE-MONSTER."

There's this Chuck E Cheese commercial that I can't stand where this wienery little blond kid is trying to... rap... or something? I honestly don't know what the hell the kid is trying to do, and I can't really find it online so you'll have to trust me on how annoying and stupid it is. Basically what I've changed the commercial to every time it comes on is "I'M A LITTLE WIENER, COME ON, CELEBRATE! I STILL POOP MY PANTS, COME ON, CELEBRATE!" My version is better.

I think I've seen this commercial for iCarly Happy Meal toys 87 million times. This little girl have a face that looks like DERRRRRRRRR:

Also, that iCarly girl will some day turn 50 and I will still have no idea what her show is even supposed to be... besides stupid looking.

I'll give a quick recap of things that have happened since I last posted. Well... at least things I've taken pictures of on my phone.


In Baltimore, apparently it's always opposite day.


John Cena/Cross-eyed Shaved Gorilla Action Figure.


If the dog does anything in my room, I yell until he runs away. If he does it in anyone else's room, I take a picture and walk out of the room. If it isn't a pile of my clothes he's laying on, it's usually funny to me.


This guy drives a Toy Taco.


Pea in the poo.


My car doesn't think that headbutting babies while driving is right. Well maybe I don't think my car is right.


Alright there isn't much behind this one, she's just a really creepy looking retail "model." She's probably absorbing someone's soul through her mouth with that creepy smile.


I never knew that Roy Rogers was a Gay Ranchero, not to mention uncut!


I bet the photographer for this was arrested shortly after developing these pictures.


I still haven't figured this one out. Is this a dog tombstone?


If you've seen this movie before, I really don't have to explain how terrible it is. That's why my best friend and I watched it and laughed the entire time while my girlfriend slept through it.


This guy is enjoying his shower way too much.


I got the rhino truck when I moved, and it was glorious.


I don't think this car has enough bird poop on it.
Seriously though, it looked way worse in person.


I saw this on my way home from class one day. The word bubble was mostly what made me laugh.




Okay, so the Roosevelt red line stop is pretty awesome.


This is the best graffiti ever. Earlier today when I passed it, I noticed that it says "I EAT FOOD I EAT FOOD I EAT FOOD" on the other side of the pole. Someone out there has won whatever award I award graffiti artists for whatever I'm talking about.


I'll leave you with this.

Until next time, my loyal followers.
...if you exist.