Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Reasons why MyHeritage.com is a great site

My experience with MyHeritage.com has made me realize that there aren't any celebrities that look like me. If there are, then MyHeritage was too busy showing me ones that look nothing like me to actually show me any of them. According to them, I look a lot like Terrence Howard and Orlando Bloom... clearly I look exactly like Terrence Howard.

Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's entertaining because it does such a bad job of what it's supposed to do. Here's an example I liked from when I was searching through the site:

Obviously this is the second coming of Stalin.

Anyway, another thing I found hilarious was that sometimes when this site scans for faces in pictures, it'll pick up random objects and think it's a face. Here's a great example of what I'm talking about:

Now, notice how it didn't detect my face, yet it thinks a yellow disc looks 71% like Bunko Kanazawa. I also had no idea who she was until I did a google search, then I began to find it even funnier (she's apparently a porn star). As for any other jokes about this picture.... too easy. I'll just let you think of your own.

Now, I'm not saying this site is crap or anything. I'm just saying its flaws are highly entertaining... and abundant.

Monday, November 17, 2008

MS Paint Crap From Freshman Year of High School

So I was talking to a friend about something or something.... long story short I started rooting through some old files and found a collection of horrible comics I made when I was younger. At the time I thought they were amazing because I had made them during class time where I was supposed to be productive. Now I realize they look like a seven year old had made them while having a seizure. So I figured maybe if I have any readers on here, that they would want to see how bad-mazing they were.

First one:

I used to think it was funny when people reacted casually while being attacked.

Second one:

It's supposed to say something like "Your head be hit by brick, me laugh at fact" and yeah... I don't know why I made it either.

Third one:

This one has a story behind it sort of, the word "blabbys" was what this kid in my keyboarding class was calling Arby's when he couldn't remember their name. We said that to each other in the halls all throughout high school

Fourth one:

I can't explain this one, so I won't.

Fifth one:

It seemed funnier at the time.

Sixth one:

Okay I still love that one even if it doesn't make sense. This one is my favorite of all these.

Seventh one:

That was part of a brochure, which I had gotten a C on surprisingly.

Eighth one:

I guess I was pretty lazy by this point.

Ninth one:

Honestly? I can't remember.

Tenth one:

Obviously I liked seeing stupid people get hit in the head with things/dying.

Well that's all the ones I found today. Sadly my drawing isn't much better.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Being bored on the internet in 2005

Back in 2005, the golden age of the internet, there were tons of gullible people on AIM who couldn't remember anything. Most of these people were easy to find through MySpace and even easier to confuse and pester. These days it's not as easy to find these kind of people and I've become lazy.

Recently I was looking through some old conversations and I've found some conversations like these that I had sent a few friends... because I thought the conversations were funny. I still find them kind of funny, so I'll share them again.

To start off explaining this one, this girl would forget who I am every time I would IM her, so I'd make up a new fake name and story each time. The grammar is pretty bad all over, so just be prepared for confusing stupid conversations. They get better from post to post.

Conversation 1:

[02:18:35 AM] (me): bitches and titties?!?!

[02:18:48 AM] muppetmer: who is this?

[02:19:12 AM] (me): THE DARK LORD SATAN

[02:19:20 AM] muppetmer: ok whatever

[02:19:33 AM] (me): sweet, so you comin to my party next week?

[02:19:56 AM] muppetmer: i can't remember who u r

[02:20:05 AM] (me): well, if you cant remember satan....

[02:20:08 AM] (me): thats just weird

[02:20:08 AM] muppetmer: and if ur drunk, don't talk to me

[02:21:03 AM] (me): Satan does not need drinks

[02:21:23 AM] muppetmer: ok. if ur going to be annoying about this i'm not going to talk to u anymore

[02:21:25 AM] muppetmer: sorry

[02:21:33 AM] (me): thats cool, satan needs no friends either

[02:21:42 AM] muppetmer: ok

[02:21:43 AM] muppetmer: have fun

[02:21:57 AM] (me): oh i will, im gonna prolly jerk off on a goat soon too

Conversation 2:

[08:49:52 PM] (me): HErro

[08:50:47 PM] muppetmer: hi who is this?

[08:50:54 PM] muppetmer: i keep forgetting

[08:50:59 PM] (me): bill rathoot

[08:51:56 PM] muppetmer: u from myspace?

[08:52:07 PM] (me): no, new jersey

[08:52:37 PM] muppetmer: i mean, where are u from online?

[08:52:45 PM] (me): internet

[08:53:17 PM] muppetmer: oh, ok

[08:54:26 PM] (me): so what are you up to? abortions? practicing occult stuff? knittting?

[08:57:17 PM] muppetmer: ok, what does ur myspace pic have on it?

[08:57:31 PM] (me): im hugging kittens

[08:57:34 PM] (me): and

[08:57:37 PM] (me): pikachu

[08:57:38 PM] (me): and

[08:57:40 PM] (me): a dolphin

[08:57:40 PM] (me): and

[08:58:11 PM] (me): umm

[08:58:16 PM] (me): kittens

[08:59:17 PM] muppetmer: i can't seem to find u

[08:59:20 PM] muppetmer: on here

Conversation 3:

[09:09:17 PM] (me): hey, its me, rick sprinter

[09:09:28 PM] muppetmer: hi

[09:09:41 PM] (me): whats up

[09:09:57 PM] muppetmer: could u send me a link to ur myspace? so i know who u r?

[09:10:26 PM] (me): one sec

[09:10:32 PM] (me): wait

[09:10:34 PM] (me): myspace?

[09:10:45 PM] (me): i deleted mine a while ago, it was too much to handle

[09:11:07 PM] muppetmer: i really don't remember u then. sorry

[09:11:18 PM] (me): eh, thats okay, dont you still want to talk?

[09:11:23 PM] muppetmer: r u into puppets?

[09:11:33 PM] (me): sounds kinky, what do you mean?

[09:11:54 PM] muppetmer: make puppets, perform with puppets

[09:11:56 PM] muppetmer: puppeteer

[09:12:09 PM] (me): oh, so youre not talking about sex dolls then, right?

[09:12:14 PM] muppetmer: no

[09:12:19 PM] (me): oh okay

[09:12:22 PM] (me): thats cool i guess

[09:12:24 PM] (me): no im not

[09:12:28 PM] (me): i guess you are?

[09:12:34 PM] muppetmer: a puppeteer, yes

[09:12:53 PM] muppetmer: i thought u were one of those puppeteer people i added

[09:13:04 PM] (me): nah

[09:13:16 PM] muppetmer: how did u get my aim then?

[09:13:23 PM] (me): well, i have sex with dead people

[09:13:27 PM] (me): i guess you do too

[09:13:34 PM] (me): because thats how i make all my friends

[09:13:59 PM] muppetmer: ok don't be creepy

[09:14:20 PM] (me): creepy?

[09:14:33 PM] muppetmer: yeah

[09:14:36 PM] (me): whats wrong with someone who doesnt boss you around during sex?

[09:14:45 PM] muppetmer: i have to go now

[09:14:46 PM] muppetmer: bye

[09:15:01 PM] (me): liar

[09:15:05 PM] (me): youre just way too turned on

[09:18:51 PM] * muppetmer signed off.

I'm sure I have more posts somewhere like this, I used to do this a little too much.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I can't read idiot-speak, sorry.

Lately I've noticed that a lot of things regressing, I'll start with language. It's not just that people are incapable of spelling out entire words, it's that people can't seem to grasp the concept of capitalization either. Their thought patterns are usually either "ILL TYPE AN ENTIRE SENTENCE IN CAPITAL LETTERS," or "mayb i have nvr herd f da shft ki." Personally, I have to struggle to type out moronically spelled words and unnecessary abbreviations. Does it honestly take that much of your time to type out an extra letter on words like "be" and "the?" I mean seriously, I can't read half of what people on the internet are trying to say because I can't decipher idiot code.

What ever happened to punctuation? It honestly baffles me that someone can be literate, yet unable to construct a simple sentence. The ancient Greeks were some of the first to use any sort of punctuation and here we are trying to move backwards. The over usage of acronyms and abbreviations is like practically pissing on the progression of written language. There's a space bar, shift key, backspace, and enter button on a keyboard. Why must people only utilize the caps lock and number keys? I can't stand reading "PPL TLKNG LIEK DIS" as well as "wen dey tawk lyke dis" or worst of all, the people who actually know what the shift key is and abuse it "Bi TaWkNg LyIeK DiS."

In some cases, I've seen people actually make words longer by trying to type them incorrectly. That makes so little sense that it hurts my head trying to figure out why. All the stupid "lolcats" meme crap isn't helping much either. Apparently typing like an uneducated moron is cute to someone out there, and it's forcing idiots to constantly say "dis" instead of "this," "u" instead of actually spelling "you," "iz" instead of "is." You can see where I'm going with this. Yeah, sure kid. "I can has cheezburger" sure does sound funny. Okay not at all. All these years growing up I remember people saying how smart cats are, now apparently they're supposed to speak piss-poor English. No one talks like this, nor is it actually funny. Just because someone on the internet told you something was funny or because you were forwarded something doesn't make it funny or interesting.

There's too many idiots out there making other people into idiots. For instance, people who cite Wikipedia as a source during a presentation. No matter how many times people are told that Wikipedia is not a credible source for information, they continue to say things like "in this article from Wikipedia I found..." The least they could do is at least make up a source. You know what, screw it. I'll just make a list of signs that you could be an idiot.

There's a chance you are a moron if:
1. You cite Wikipedia as a source in anything.
2. You Don't Understand Capitalization.
3. you really don't understand capitalization.
5. YoU KnOw WhAt ThE ShIfT kEy Is, AnD fEeL tHe NeEd To TyPe LiKe ThIs.
6. u tipe en ne wai simmilr 2 dis.
7. youcantfigureoutwhatthespacebaris.
8. You dont ever use an apostrophe when typing.
9. You can't seem to grasp the concept that "your" is possessive, and "you're" means "you are."
10. The fact that their, they're, and there are all different words baffles you.
11. You make the argument that you're just typing in a casual fashion, rather than just saying that you like typing like a jackass.
12. You find lolcats funny.
13. You find an internet meme funny.
14. You think people on the internet really care about your political views/religious beliefs/life.
15. You make comments on youtube often.
16. You ask questions on Yahoo Answers.
17. You end questions as if they were statements. For example: "How do you do that."
18. You've made a motivational poster that says something grammatically incorrect, like "Your fucked." Then you proceed to post it all over the internet.
19. You take pictures of yourself in the mirror or at confusing angles because you're too stupid to learn how to use a timer.
20. You do something because some celebrity told you to.

I'd keep going if I weren't too lazy. That's it.