Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Maybe My Definition of "Creative" is Different Than Most...

I'm a pack rat, I'll admit it. I have a lot of stacks of things I've drawn over the years when I should have been doing work that date back before middle school. Sadly, my handwriting and drawing skills never improve and it's hard to tell some of the old ones from the new ones. I'm probably going to do a few series about these comics and the classes I drew them in.

Today I'll start with high school ones. This first picture I can't remember if I had actually done this in Geometry class or if it was just geometry crap for another class. Either way, only some of the page has math on it, then I got bored and drew all over it with my clearly mature sense of humor.

...and I'm not sure what that wrench meant.

Anyway the rest of these are from my Creative Writing class my senior year. That class was great because I think most of the class was either disgusted or afraid of me. I had three people I talked to, but other than that I just drew pictures and wrote poetry and haikus about pretty much everything we weren't supposed to write about. Here's the thing, we had to sign this writing contract saying we would write about death, killing, violence, etc., basically everything I ended up writing about. Half my poetry was about people dying or poop. My classic haiku that I actually turned into a song was called "Napalm Factory" and it went like this:

Napalm Factory
All the children scream "hooray!"
None of them survive

When I wasn't writing things like that, I was either pretending I was writing by filling a page with scribbles (I even turned that one in, she didn't give me any points) or drawing pictures. This one really dumb overly-tan girl we started to call potato girl would never shut up, so instead of saying "hey! You annoy the hell out of me! Stop talking already!" I just drew this picture of her:

Probably drawn when she was rambling about her boyfriend while putting more makeup on and eating.

I found my original ideas from when I came up with the idea of "Robert 'Goes to the Farm'" and "Timmy and the Acid Bath" as books for children.

Sadly Box Face Billy never made any other appearances. But you have to admit, that's a great list of lessons for children to learn. Especially "DON'T TRUST ANYONE" because I know if I ever have kids I'm going to teach them not even to trust me! And remember, "normality = bore-mality" kids!

Oh, and here's the back side of that sheet of paper:

I really only sort of kind of got in trouble all the time in that class. I had the teacher for another class though, I was a better student in her Creative Writing class than I was English II. She never had to wake me up once in Creative Writing.

I found a thick stack of "notes" (aka drawings) I did in my College 101 class my first semester at community college. There's going to be a series for that one because I like too many of the drawings and there's too many with stories behind them.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Daytime TV dissolved my brain.

So for the last week I've spent a lot of time watching TV by myself, which means I've watched a lot of horrible commercials and kids shows. I've probably lowered my IQ, driven myself insane, and convinced myself that the dog is another person, but that's okay.

Among the barrage of terrible commercials, I saw that they're still making Kidz Bop CDs (I imagine to use as torture devices). I honestly don't understand the point of Kidz Bop at all. It's like they take the prime cuts of the most horrible songs, put together a chorus of monotone children, and somehow make bad songs even more terrible. I can't imagine why anyone would even buy them, so I'll just assume that people have run out of free AOL discs to use as coasters, so they're getting desperate and buying horrible CDs instead.

There's also another one of those annoying McCafe commercials that's pissing me off. This time the guy says "it's mini vané!" I just don't understand why adding the é would make anything sound fancy, especially to words that don't even have an "e" in them to begin with. It's just stupid, these people think they're acting fancy, which means being smug douche bags who add unnecessary letters to the ends of words. I want to punch the guy who made these ads up in the throat. Repeatedly.

I started to realize why I hardly watch TV during the day, because all of it is either crap, crap, or kids shows. Shows made for young children scare and confuse me. I can't really figure out what they're trying to teach kids these days, but it explains why each generation of kids act more like morons. What happened to kids watching violent shows that taught them not to trust anyone? It's what I grew up on and I still haven't killed anyone yet! Apparently all you need to make a show for young children is lots of colors, disturbing costumes, and a lot of LSD. Also, you can't go more than 30 seconds without noticing something that looks like a penis in any kids show. It's inevitable that at some point of any kids show someone will be wearing a costume that looks like a sexual organ.

That's not all that bothers me about stupid shows for kids. Too many of the shows have characters that speak in sentence fragments and mispronounce words. If kids are so negatively affected by a show with violence, what happens when you have a character that keeps saying things wrong on purpose just for humor? We're going to have a whole new generation of knuckle dragging idiots who can't even constructed a proper sentence. What a great idea, unteach children! Bastardize the English language!

Anyway, before I ramble too much and make my brain explode, I'll leave off here. So like always, I have no hope for the future of humanity. Avoid daytime TV.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Out Today: The Astronaut King - Kingdom of False Existence

So the newest The Astronaut King album is out now! 79 minutes of pure Astronaut King power! 18 tracks ranging from ambient and psychedelic, to acoustic, to doomy and atmospheric.

There's a few different options for buying this album this time around, you can get the CD off CafePress or Hildsvfar Records, and the MP3 album on soundclick. The SoundClick release is only $4.99, the CafePress release is $12.99, and the Hildsvfar Records release is $8.00 US/$10.00 international. (Don't forget, there's also more merch available at cafepress.com/astronautking).

Hildsvfar Records
Soundclick MP3 album

1. Nomad Of The Universe
2. Incognizant Of Life
3. Kingdom Of False Existence
4. Sempiternally Vagrant
5. Throne of the Atmosphere
6. Galactic Suspension
7. Malignant Alleyways
8. Reposed In The Abyss
9. Deserting The Species
10. Temporarily Delayed Extinction
11. Kingdom of False Existence (acoustic)
12. Enthralled By Perpetuation
13. Onlooking Obliteration
14. Sovereign To The Soulless
15. Astral Undead Army
16. Dwindling Dimension
17. Satellitic Respiration
18. Conquest For Nothingness

Check it out, buy a copy, tell a friend, get them to tell a friend... yeah, check it out!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

United Nations: More Fun Than Six Flags.

There have been a lot of commercials bothering me lately, the first one that comes to mind being those McCafe commercials. They try and pass off the idea that spelling and pronouncing words with an “é” instead of an “e” makes them somehow fancier. I guess that “rapé” and “défécaté” must be really fancy then.

Another one that bothers me is the Six Flags commercials, for obvious reasons. I don't understand what “More flags, more fun” really means, but apparently the United Nations building is the most fun place in the whole world. If I tried writing about the other things that irritate me about the commercials, I'd probably end up smashing my keyboard, so I'll just leave it at that. Someone stop Six Flags from making any more commercials.

I'm not sure why Progressive Insurance has a clown/hooker as their spokesperson, but hey, whatever boosts sales I guess.

I was watching a Twilight Zone marathon on 4th of July weekend when I swear I saw the same 5 commercials over and over for several hours, I think it might have driven me crazy if I wasn't already. There was this commercial for KFC that would play about 8 times per break and this guy said some things that were so damn stupid I wanted to punch the TV. Of course, I was too tired and lazy to actually do anything except yell at the TV, things like “I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you” and keep watching. It was something dumb like rhyming “à la carte” with “à la smart” or something, regardless of what it was, I assure you it was stupid.

I swear, I could make better commercials than most of these people with a group of homeless people and some cardboard boxes.