Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Guest Week for Fkn Srs Cmx

At the end of finals I sat up until about 5 or 6am reading stupid internet comics when I had the idea to do guest comics for my friend Anthony's comic Fkn Srs Cmx just because I was bored. The first comic was posted on Monday and there will be one on Wednesday, and one on Friday.

Make sure to read through the rest of his comics, he started out a few months ago with an idea, and he's since been getting better and better as time goes on. So just check out his site and see where he takes it from here, and check out my guest comics this week. Anthony has always supported my music and all the other crap I make, so why not support him and check out his comics and music?

Anyway, aside from drawing crude renderings of someone else's comics, I just finished my first semester in the city. I mean, technically it was my fifth semester total, but my first semester that wasn't at a community college. I basically got burnt out last week by trying to write 4 final papers and an extra credit assignment in one week, totaling 25 pages in utter bullshit.

For my Russian and Soviet history class, I couldn't remember my original topic, so I wrote about Tetris. I got in front of the class for our presentations and said "I couldn't remember what my original topic was, so instead I wrote about the first thing I think of when I think of Russia. Tetris." and my teacher said something along the lines of "really? Tetris is the first thing you think of?" So I went on to ramble about Tetris, then I read this line from my paper "Maybe Tetris signified the true essence of Russian culture, their strategic puzzling warfare, the struggle through years (or levels) of hardship, and the idea that you can only stack so much on top before the bottom gives way." and my class started clapping. I only went when I did to keep myself from laughing the entire class... because I wrote a final paper about Tetris.

My other papers were basically either me repeating the first sentence of my paper for 5-10 pages, most of which was all essential the same paper for different classes. The Monday of finals week I stayed up until 9:30 in the morning writing a paper and got about an hour of sleep. I woke up and took one of my finals, went back to my apartment and of course ate another entire box of wild rice like I did for midterms, then went back to my next class. I'm thinking of making that a tradition, eating an entire box of wild rice during the Monday of finals and midterms. Why? I've never took the time to think about why I do most things I do in life.

The rest of finals week was like anyone else's, I got a total of about 4 hours of sleep over the course of 4 days, then woke up at like 3 in the afternoon the next day once they were over. Now I'm home and have nothing better to do but sit around in my robe and write stupid blogs that no one will ever read.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Brinks should have changed their name to Brilliant

I'm sure someone has covered this before, but I love the Brinks (apparently now known as Broadview I guess) home security commercials. They haven't changed at all over the years. Here's how it works:
1. Guy breaks window/smashes down front door.
2. Alarm goes off.
3. Guy runs away without stealing a single thing.

I mean seriously though, who does that? That's about as menacing as a kid accidentally breaking your window with a baseball. "Honey, the neighbor kids broke a window playing baseball again! Get to the panic room!" is a safe assumption for how anyone this happens to will react.

There's this new commercial they have where this guy leaves the woman's house from a party or something, then comes back to her door about 5 seconds later. He just like breaks a window or something (regardless of how many times I've seen it I can't remember for sure) and runs away.

You know, it's always a great idea to try breaking right back into a person's house right after you've left AND they've learned your name. Couldn't he have just like, hidden in the linen closet, popped out in the middle of the night to scare her, then run home giggling? In fact, that's a much better idea! Next time I go to a girl's place, I'll hide in her linen closet! Thank you Broadview/Brinks security, you've given me yet another great idea.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I should probably stay off Omegle for a while

For those of you who have never heard of Omegle.com, it's a site where you're connected to a random stranger online and they ask "ASL" and you say "male" and they disconnect. However, on very rare occasions there are some people that aren't on there for cyber sex.

I've wasted the last week on there being a troll and talking to a couple people who actually were just on there to talk (which was shocking). I had some pretty interesting conversations I saved, and I thought to myself... why not post them on here? Most of my readers already know I'm not normal. I have to warn you first though, don't go to any of the links if you've never heard of them or are easily disgusted. Also, most of the people type badly, swear, and use racial slurs for no reason, because... well... they're on the internet.

So here they are:

This first one was with my best friend...or so I told them.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: boobs
Stranger: What is this? I dont even
You: best friend!
You: you're my friend
You: let's be best friends
You: good friend!
Stranger: Okay!
Stranger: Names Adam Gallant
Stranger: im a gay person
You: sweet
Stranger: who r u?
You: I'm Rick Sprinter
You: I'm a geologist
Stranger: I feast on 10 gallons of sugar daily
Stranger: I weigh 20 stone
You: sugar is a natural oil of arabia
Stranger: Indeed
Stranger: Your a smart man Rick
You: yeah I've been told that
You: by the queen of france
Stranger: I see
Stranger: Do you ejoy reaidn books naked?
Stranger: reading*
You: is there any other way?
Stranger: Exactly my point
Stranger: Would you go on a grand adventure to save your daughter after she'd been captured by demons?
You: I thought I gave my daughter to the demons
Stranger: Well then.
Stranger: whats your stance on YouthInAsia?
You: I say use grenades and nuclear legs
Stranger: Good, good
Stranger: What about this website? www.wowomg.com
You: it's the wowingest omgest site since jewgle
Stranger: Indeed
Stranger: I must go now
Stranger: Goodbye Rick
You: goodbye friend
Stranger: Pass that site on to your friends, theyll be shocked
You: Okay!
Stranger: Goodbye
You: Goodbye dear friend.


This next guy didn't like me singing to him...

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Ho
You: my girl wants to party all the time
You: party all the time
You: party all the tiiiiime
Stranger: Fuck u for putting that in my head
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


Okay so I might have lied a little to this guy.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i am a boy 15 denmark and really horny! u?
You: I'm black man from kenya
You: our computers are made of wood
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


This one is my favorite. I think at this point I was starting to run out of things to say to these people, so I just started saying whatever I could type in capital letters.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi im female
Stranger: horny
You: cool
You: I'm a man
Stranger: Mmmmmmmmm
You: and I'm freezing to death
Stranger: i'll warm ya up
Stranger: i'll rip d mickey off ya
You: I dunno what that means
You: but if it means gay sex
You: I'm not interested
You: or very interested
Stranger: im a girl?
Stranger: are u a girl to?
Stranger: i want man
You: no I have a penis
You: touch it
Stranger: a big 1?
You: TOUCH IT
You: OH YEAH
Stranger: i will
You: YEAH BUT YOUR MOUTH ON IT
Stranger: wanna c my pic?
You: no
You: I'm imagining you as Hitler with tits
You: OH YEAH
Stranger: Mmmmmmmmmm
Stranger: at least hiltler
Stranger: he was a gas man give him his jews
Stranger: are u a durty jew
You: NO
You: I AM EVA BRAWN
Stranger: good
Stranger: ur a niggawr
Stranger: dats wat u are
You: YOU ARE A MAN
You: THIS IS THE INTERNET
You: GIRLS CAN'T WORK COMPUTERS
Stranger: heres my pic
Stranger: to prove
Stranger: http://lovebryan.com/friends/mikebelleme/data/upimages/dirty_on_chair.jpg
You: yeah, um, I'm not stupid
You: I live on the internet
You: now let's get back to hitler sex
Stranger: ya little queer
You: HITLER
You: SEX
You: YOU DUMB WHORE
Stranger: go fuk urself
You: I ALREADY AM
Stranger: ive a bigger dick then u
Stranger: ya wankk
You: LIES
Stranger: ur sister is a lie
You: actually she's a girl
You have disconnected.


Lastly, there was this guy, who spread the word of my awesomeness apparently. He gave me some good advice about orange juice.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: german girl?
You: No, I do have a mustache though
Stranger: you from iceland?
You: I'm from America
Stranger: oh
Stranger: mustached women are so hot
Stranger: the hairier the better
You: Yeah
You: I'm the best kind of woman
You: with a big penis
Stranger: such a cool trap
You: Yeah, I'm the best.
You: I bought apple juice
Stranger: why not orange?
You: that too
Stranger: and blueberry
Stranger: ?
You: I might mix them both with milk and drink them in the street
Stranger: ok, just remember
Stranger: orange and driving dont mix
You: Oh I know, I'm a train conductor for the new york times
Stranger: you sir
Stranger: are
Stranger: awesome
Stranger: ima go spread your awesomness to all
You: Thanks, make sure to let the old people know too.
Stranger: will do
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


Okay, well that's it. I should probably stop going to that site before it makes me go any more insane than I already am.