Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Greatest Story Ever Written... in Middle School.

So I was scouring the internet trying to find this page I made in AOL Hometown or something back when I was like 13, and apparently AOL Hometown was permanently shut down like 2 years ago. Luckily for all of you, I have most of it saved to my hard drive.

Ah, middle school. Back when my grammar was terrible, my art was exactly the same, and my story telling abilities were just about the same too! Originally the page had some sort of wood paneling background and bright yellow text... because wood paneling belongs on everything. Seriously. Wood paneling belongs on everything.

Anyway, I'll attempt to recreate the greatest web page known to man. Sadly without the wood paneling, yellow text, billions of AOL ads, and whatever else crap used to be on it. Keep in mind, I didn't change a single line of text from the original. The spelling errors burn my retinas, but I doubt they'll phase most people on the internet.


There was once a guy who was afraid dinosaurs would attack him, and that his armpits would light fire if he wore sleeveless t shirts

But one day, a dinosaur did attack him, right after he was done dancing

so he grew a mustashe

and as he grew this mustashe, a dinosaur tried to eat him, and tried to eat his pizza he left on the counter in his apartment

then the sun and moon collided with earth, and we all died

except this guy with the funny shirt

It was funny because it said "gay" and I was in middle school.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Russian And Soviet History "Notes"

During my Russian and Soviet History class, I took many notes. What that really means, is that I scribbled a lot on paper and can't remember a single thing my teacher talked about the entire semester. Some of my "notes" were actually about the class, but for the most part they were all drawings that had little/nothing to do with what the teacher was talking about. As many of you know by now, my style of art is comparable to a right handed person writing with their left hand, which is also broken. What I'm trying to say is, I'm by far the greatest artist of all time.

First I'll start off with an example of me actually trying to take notes. You'll have to click to enlarge the image if you want to attempt to read it.

From what I can remember, it had something to do with Stalin and Hitler... obviously. I started off taking a little bit of notes on there, but writing with two pencils at once was much more fun. I also like to spell Hitler as Heat-Lair.

Anyway, most of the time when I took notes, it usually reflected in some way the way my teacher pronounced words. Here's some more proof of that:

More often than not, I would really just get bored and make pointless comics. I think I have roughly one quarter of a page of legitimate notes... if you combine all of my notes together. One day I had two amazing movie ideas.


Which I later realized is basically just meteor man. But I'm sure no one else remembers that movie by now, so....

The sequel:

I'd see it.

My three favorite comics I drew in class are all on the same page. Of course, none of them make sense, but when have I ever tried doing that before?

Best drawing I've ever made:

Best commercial I've ever made:

And best theme park I've ever made:

I don't know why, but I really enjoy drawing things that are about to run into other things:

I honestly don't remember what this was about, but a Dracula-man would be a good first guess. It would be a terrible second guess though.

So that's basically it, I only wrote in about 15 pages of my notebook. So, if you remembered my numbers from before, that means about 14.75 pages of my notes are random scribblings, comics, and uneven geometric shapes.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Fun week of doctor check ups during break.

I spent most of this week either hanging out with people I haven't seen in a while, or going to doctors appointments since I have the chance right now. Tuesday I had a checkup, Friday I had both an optometrist and dentist appointment. My older brother drove me around all day so I wouldn't crash into a tree after they dilated my eyes. He was a pretty good sport about it, he only told me that he was hungry about 100 times.

I don't know why I thought I'd be able to make a 3:00pm dentist appointment after a "1:15pm" optometrist appointment, but luckily my dentist was cool enough to push it back half an hour. Somehow the five minutes you spend in front of a doctor requires sitting in a waiting room for about two hours. Long story short about my eyes, I have an eye infection apparently and have to go back next week for him to see if it's getting any better.

While I sat in the optometrist waiting room for about 2 hours, I read through a lot of old magazines about cars, motorcycles, and AARP. Before my vision started to blur, I noticed a pretty great ad.

Richard M. Lester really must realize how great his name is, especially while including his middle initial. I wonder how many people prank call this guy asking for Dick Molester. Hopefully more now that I posted it. It doesn't matter that the phone number is blurry/impossible to read on account of my crappy phone photography skills, use the internet if you want to find it. He has to get tons of calls already on having a sweet beard.

Richard M. Lester... Richard M-lester... Dick Molester.... awesome.

Anyway, after a whole lot of sitting in the waiting room and not being able to read letters on the chart very well (on account of my eye being infected), I got to the dentist at just about exactly 3:30. It's funny, I thought I was taking pretty good care of my teeth, but I guess I was starting to get gingivitis. So basically I thought I was going to go out and hear "oh you're healthy, get out of here!" Don't know why I expected that. Good thing I made it in when I did for my eyes though. Otherwise I dunno how I would continue to write this if I were to go blind from infection.

I feel like I'm leaving something out. Christmas happened. 2009 ended. I still pretend it's 2005. I still think like it's 1800.

I have some comics to post from my Russian and Soviet history class, once I get a chance to scan it. So until then... find something else to do (perhaps read through every other blog I've ever written or listen to some of my music).